Fish cost a fortune

Two Virginia rednecks went on a fishing trip. They rented all the equipments - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car and even a cabin in the woods. I mean, they spent a fortune. The first day they went fishing, but they didn't catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day, and on the third day. It went on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men caught a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turned to the other and said,, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us a fifteen hundreds bucks?" The other guy said, "Wow! Then it's good we didn't catch anymore!

Dropped your wallet

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.
Remarked one of the fishermen, "That's the first time I've seen carp to carp walleting.

Go On A Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousand of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means some one has stolen our tent!"

I will Do Anything

A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean ....,"she whispers, "..... I would do ..... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ..... study?"

Do You Know Who I Am?

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exams booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and ask for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He took a seat and began writing.
After two hours , the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exams booklets already there.
"No, you don't, I am not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuff his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Key To Business Success (3)

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build a huge pile of documents around your work space. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know anybody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he or she arrives.

Key To Business Success (2)

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to a casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they are not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you will get caught - your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. you are not a loafer, you're a self starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

Freedom Of Choice

A just society is an open society where individuals have choices within a contract of democratic law defining responsibilities and limitations between individuals, community and state.

A just society is, therefore, inescapably fraught with ambiguity. As uncomfortable as that fact may be, ambiguity is the other profile of choice. It has been said that maturity for the individual is the ability to live with ambiguity. The just society rests on our ability to live with ambiguity, with the knowledge that little is clear cut, that life most difficult situations are unclear, that mankind most profound aspirations have costs as well as benefits, and that absolute good and absolute evil do not exist.

In sum, the just society rests on our embracing and defending freedom of choice. Choice widens visions of humanity; choice requires thought, commitment, risk and the agony of uncertainty. The absence of choice simply requires obedience.

Presidential Dreams

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls American President Barack Obama and tells him, "Barack, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banner?" Barack asks.

Mahmoud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."

Barack says, "You know, Mahmoud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banner?" Mahmoud asks.

Barack replies, "I don't know, I cant't read Hebrew.

Key to Business Success (1)

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they are heading for the cafeteria. People with newspapers in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

How To Secure A Contract Without Much Effort

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Debak, another from Spaoh, and the third from Betong. At the end of the tour, the manager asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied they were contractors the manager said,"Hey, we need one of the rear fences repaired. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So back to the back fence they all went. First to step up was the Debak contractor. He took out his measuring tape and pen, did some measuring and said, "Well, I figure the job will cost about RM9,000. RM4,000 for materials, RM4,000 for my crew, and RM1,000 profit for me." Next was the contractor from Spaoh. He also took out his measuring tape and pen, and did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for RM7,000. RM 3,000 for materials, RM3,000 for my workers, and RM1,000 profit for me." Without so much as moving, the Betong contractor said, "RM27,000." The manager, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" "Easy," he said. "RM10,000 for me, RM10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Spaoh."

That's one way to succeed in business in Bolehwood or is it Bolehstan.

Moving Violations

A friend's wife was constantly moving furniture around, sometimes rearranging two or three rooms in a week. As a result he was always frustrated by being unable to find things. One night he heard someone knocking on the front door. Half awake, my friend jumped up, ran into the pitch-black living room and hit a wall. His wife was awakened by the loud thud. Then she heard him yell, "Sophie! Now where have you put the FRONT DOOR?"

What's it's like to be without a Saviour

Annihilation was a cold and chilling thought, and accountability was sure destruction to all. The heavens were as brass over my head, and the earth as iron under my feet. Eternity - what was it? And death - why was it? The more I reasoned, the more I was from demonstration. The more I thought, the more scattered were my conclusions. I tried to stop thinking, but my thoughts would not be controlled. I was truly wretched, but did not understand the cause. I murmured and complained, but knew not of whom. I knew that there was a wrong, but knew not how or where to find the right. I mourned, but without hope.

Then the character of a Saviour was vividly impressed upon my mind. It seemed that there might be a being so good and compassionate as to himself atone for our transgressions, and thereby save us from suffering the penalty of sin. I immediately felt how lovely such a being must be, and imagined that I could cast myself into the arms of, and trust in the mercy of, such a one. But the question arose, How can it be proven that such a being does exist? Aside from the Bible, I found I could get no evidence of the existence of such a Saviour.

I saw that the Bible did bring to view such a Saviour as I needed; and I was perplexed to find how an uninspired book should develop principles so perfectly adapted to the wants of a fallen world. I was constrained to admit that the Scriptures must be a revelation from God. They became my delight; and in Jesus I found a friend. The Scriptures, which before were dark and contradictory, now became the lamp to my feet and light to my path. My mind became settled and satisfied. I found the Lord God to be a Rock in the midst of the ocean of life. The Bible now became my chief study, and I can freely say, I searched it with great delight. I wondered why I had not seen its beauty and the glory before, and marvelled that I could have ever rejected it. I found everything revealed that my heart could desire, and a remedy for every disease of the soul. I lost all taste for other reading, and applied my heart to get wisdom from God. (William Miller, am American Reformer)

This Extraordinary Thing called Love

To love is to have this extraordinary feeling of affection without asking anything in return. If while you are young you don't feel love, if you don't look with love at people, at animals, at flowers, then when you grow up, you will find out that your life is empty; you will be very lonely, and the dark shadows of fear will follow you always. But the moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.

Britain becoming hostile to Christianity

According to a British Roman Catholic cardinal who recently published a new book, Faith in the Nation, "The rise of secularism has led to a liberal society, hostile to Christian morals and values, in which religious belief is viewed as a 'private eccentricity' and the voice of faith groups is marginalised" (Jonathan Wynne-Jones, "Cardinal: Britain is hostile to Christians," The Sunday Telegraph, Dec. 7, 2008).

Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, continued, "Britain shows signs of degenerating into a country free of morals, because of its rejection of traditional values". He also stated that "atheism has become more vocal and aggresive". (Source: The Sunday Telegraph [London].)

Does Fear Got You Cornered?

Break Free...

It has been said that F-E-A-R means "false evidence appearing real". Too many times the enemy tries to fill our minds with fear and make us feel trapped....backed into a corner with no way out. He makes what is false look so real. But we need to remember where fear comes from - the devil. Faith comes from God. Whatever good things God tries to give us, the enemy tries to run it with some kind of poison. Another way to look at it is that for every poison he tries to bring into our lives, God has the antidote. Faith is the antidote for the poison of fear. We don't have to stay stuck in a corner surrounded by fear (false evidence appearing real). But we can break free , release our faith and walk in victory. The devil is already a defeated foe. It is time to put him in his place....which is under your feet.

Nadai Pulai ka Pengerugi Belajar Jaku English

Di Malaysia semua utai ulih magang. Nya mih kebuah menua tu tebilang lalu dikumbai Malaysia Boleh. Di menua tu mayuh endur ti manah alai ngelantangka ati. Malaysia mega udu tebilang ketegal udah mujur nganjung siku kera (space monkey) matau dunya luar (space). (But that's another story for another day). Nya-alai mayuh meh temuai ari menua bukai nemuai meda pemanah rampa menua kitai. Lalu mayuh agi sida nya enda nemu jaku kitai ditu. Ketebal agi sida ngena jaku English taja nya ukai jaku asal sida (mother tongue).

Enti enda nemu jaku English kati ku ulih berandau enggau sida. Baka sida malin temuai sigi nemu mayuh bansa jaku. Nya-alai sida tu nadai penanggul ngereja pengawa sida. Tang bisi sekeda sida driba teksi ke enda nemu reti sereta enda nemu bejaku English. Aku meri siti chunto: Siku bansa Ribai nyewa sebuah teksi ari hotel endur iya diau kena iya raun meda pemanah mengeri nya. Nyau udah puas raun iya mai driba teksi nya pulai. Datai di hotel iya nanyaka nyampau tambang.

Ribai: How much?
Driba teksi: Wan Dollah.
Ribai nya pan lalu nyuaka seringgit ngagai driba teksi nya. Nyadi driba teksi nya, laban ti enda meretika jaku English, ngumbai Ribai nya nanyaka nama iya. Nya kebuah iya nyebut Wan Dollah.

Di menua China English is compulsory ari elementary school. Di India English enda dibuai tang terus dipelajarka sama enggau jaku bansa sida (Hindi) maya India merintah diri. Pia mega di Japan, company executives ti ka dianjung overseas postings mesti belajarka jaku English.

Nya-alai nadai pulaika pengerugi belajar jaku English awakka nadai penanggul berandau enggau orang ti enda nemu jaku bansa kitai. Tu ukai reti nya kitai enda bebasaka jaku bansa. Jaku bansa kitai endang patut terus dipelajarka sereta dikena kitai.

Kala udah nyebut jaku bansa. Kati ku nama jaku nya ka bendar? Laban jaku nya kala disebut Bahasa Malaysia, Bahasa Kebangsaan, Bahasa Baku enggau Bahasa Melayu. Kati tau nya disebut Bahasa Tuan tauka Bahasa Boleh kini?