Eight Things That I Have Learned

 

• I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
  
• I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jerks.
  
• I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
  
• I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others – they are much more screwed up than you know.
  
• I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians, members of the major media and celebrities.
  
• I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones who do.
  
• I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
  
• I've learned that sometimes the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never seem to go away.
  

Atheist Sees The Light - Almost

 

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all "the accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What beautiful animals! What powerful rivers!" he said to himself.

As he was walking along the river he heard rustling in the bushes. As he turned he saw a 7-foot bear charging him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in.

He tried to run faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.

His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run faster, but he tripped and fell. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him.

At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped. The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped. A bright light shone on the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist, and credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist, ever proud, looked to the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, and the sounds of the forest continued, the bear put his paw down. The bear brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."