In Good Spirits

 

 

Author Vyvyan Holland used to tell of a great uncle who kept a few bottles of rare cognac for rare old friends. One day his house caught fire, and one fireman in particular behaved with great gallantry. The old gentleman could think of no more handsome gesture than to offer him a glass of the noble brandy. The fireman, drenched by the hoses, took off his boots and socks and said, " Thank you kindly, sir. A very happy thought. I'm a teetotaller myself, sir, but I've always found that there's nothing like brandy to stop you getting a cold," and he poured the precious fluid over his feet.

The Amazing Three-legged Pig

This farmer had a rather large three-legged pig. It was brought to the attention of the local newspaper, and a reporter was sent to interview the farmer.

"Tell me." said the reporter, "how do you come to have a three-legged pig?"

"Well," said the farmer, "this is a valuable pig. One day my four year old son fell into the pond over there, and this pig went running as fast as could be, and jumped into the pond and pushed my son up onto dry ground."

"Well," said the farmer, "this is a valuable pig. One night, we heard this squealing and grunting, and banging on our front door. I got up to see what the ruckus was, and the house was on fire. Thanks to the pig, I was able to save my family."

"Truly unbelievable," said the reporter, "but how does that relate to the pig only having three legs?"

"Well," said the farmer, "when you have a valuable pig like that, you just don't eat him all at one time."