Bad Example

One day two loving parent got into a huge fight. The man called the woman a 'bitch' and the woman called the man a 'bastard'. Their son walked in and asked, "What does bitch and bastard mean?" The parents replied, "Ladies and gentlemen."

The next day the parents decided to have sex. The woman said, "Feel my titties," and the man said," Feel my dick." The son walked in and asked, "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied, "Hats and coats."

On Thanksgiving day the dad was shaving and he cuts himself. "Shit," he said. The kid came in and asked, "What does that mean?" and the man said it was the brand of shaving cream he's using. Downstairs the mom was preparing turkey, and she cut herself. "F**k," she said. Once again the kid asked, "What does that mean?" The mom said that's what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the doorbell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said, "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet. My dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!"

The Operations

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby. So after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends three minor operations.

The operation is performed, but a couple of months later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.

But there's still no result, and another couple of months later she's back in the doctor's office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities. And this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.

Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was the third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job. I was dizzy for weeks after."

"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability. So I made a connection from your throat to your uterus"