Fish cost a fortune

Two Virginia rednecks went on a fishing trip. They rented all the equipments - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car and even a cabin in the woods. I mean, they spent a fortune. The first day they went fishing, but they didn't catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day, and on the third day. It went on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men caught a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turned to the other and said,, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us a fifteen hundreds bucks?" The other guy said, "Wow! Then it's good we didn't catch anymore!

Dropped your wallet

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.
Remarked one of the fishermen, "That's the first time I've seen carp to carp walleting.

Go On A Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousand of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means some one has stolen our tent!"

I will Do Anything

A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean ....,"she whispers, "..... I would do ..... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ..... study?"

Do You Know Who I Am?

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exams booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and ask for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He took a seat and began writing.
After two hours , the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exams booklets already there.
"No, you don't, I am not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuff his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Key To Business Success (3)

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build a huge pile of documents around your work space. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know anybody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he or she arrives.

Key To Business Success (2)

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to a casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they are not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you will get caught - your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. you are not a loafer, you're a self starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.