Who's Crazy

Whenever you look at a piece of work and you think the fellow was crazy, then you want to pay some attention to that. One of you is likely to be and you had better find out which it is. It makes a lot of difference.

Not So Warm And Fuzzy In New York

John and Mary Smith purchased an old home in northern New York state from Sadie and Alfred Horowitz. Winter was fast appproaching, and the Smiths were concerned about the houses's lack of insulation.
"If they can live here all those years, so can we!" John said to Mary confidently.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and the Smiths woke up to find the interior walls covered with frost. John called the Horowitzs to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a brief conversation, he hung up.
"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

Benjamin Franklin on Liberty and Safety

"When anybody preaches disunity, tries to pit one of us against the other through class warfare, race hatred, or religious intolerance, you know that person seeks to rob us of our freedom and destroy our very lives. And we know what to do about it. Working together to produce an ever-greater abundance of material and spiritual values for all - that is the secret of American prosperity."

"They who can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Benjamin Franklin, 1775)

Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't

10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph's Honkers!
7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat.
1. To get it to stand up straight, try popping it against the wall.

Fish cost a fortune

Two Virginia rednecks went on a fishing trip. They rented all the equipments - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car and even a cabin in the woods. I mean, they spent a fortune. The first day they went fishing, but they didn't catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day, and on the third day. It went on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men caught a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turned to the other and said,, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us a fifteen hundreds bucks?" The other guy said, "Wow! Then it's good we didn't catch anymore!

Dropped your wallet

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.
Remarked one of the fishermen, "That's the first time I've seen carp to carp walleting.

Go On A Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousand of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means some one has stolen our tent!"