Tie for Life

An Arab was walking through the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of ties laid out on it. The Arab asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robe." The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about four miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. "I told you, about four miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

The Arab rasped, "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

Top Male Occupations

Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."

Dentist because he says, "Open wide."

Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased down or blown?"

Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in the back?"

Interior decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

Police officer because he says, "Spread 'em!"

Mailman because he always delivers his package.

Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush and shoots twice.

It's Butt Light, not Bud Light

A man goes to a proctologist for his very first rectal exam. The doctor tells him to wait in the examination room. Once inside, the man notices three items on the desk: a tube of K-Y Jelly, a rubber glove and a can of beer.

When the doctor comes in, the man says, "Look, Doc, this is my first exam. I know what the K-Y Jelly is for, and I know what the glove is for but what's the beer doing here?"

The doctor looks at the beer and turns red with anger. "Nurse," he screams, "I said butt light!"