There was this old woman who had heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses". She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialling she erroneously called a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have 'Two Lips and Seven Kisses'?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, it's average!"
A man opened the door of his new luxurious car when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the man was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious car. "Officer, look what they've done to my car!!" he whined. "You people are so materialistic, you make me sick", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your car, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my...........," replied the man, finally noticing the bloody shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my 159 carat of diamonds watch???"
Dear Abby,
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight. I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'.
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor-made 460 driver.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA superstore?
Signed....
Concerned Golfer
